What are you talking about.

Instead of treating your date to a superbly cooked meal at your favorite restaurant, why not impress her with a frugal meal for two. With the money you save you could make her (or his) night complete by paying for their bus fare home.
Start with a nice cheap soup. Its your big opportunity to use up some of the items at the back of the fridge (but don't forget to cut off the mouldy bits). Add a touch of curry powder to this to disguise the stale taste.
A good nutritional main meal could be baked beans on toast. Beans are a good source of protein and fibre and have very few side effects.
Then finish off the evening with cheese and biscuits. This will save money on the cooking. For a cheaper recipe exclude the cheese.
I hope these ideas have been of some use to you.
Happy courting.

Beer or plants.
I know which I would choose.
The cool taste of a beer on a hot afternoon greatly outweighs the pretty plants.
Today we spent £150 on a bench for the garden and a further £30 on plants.
The bench could come in handy for sitting down and enjoying a beer. The plants on the other hand. You cant drink a plant. (smoke maybe).
Anyway, the wife had the final word.
I will have to watch the world cup on TV tonight with a cup of coffee.

Donald Trump, American billionaire worth aproximately 2.9 billion and a salary of 60 million a year is 66 today.
He is also a television personality, author and wannabe president.
Married 3 times (the latest one looks a stunner) with 5 children.
Happy birthday The Donald.

Today is Grand National day in the UK.
The Grand National is probably the most famous horse race in the world. It is run over a distance of four and a half miles making is the longest British horse race, over the largest fences, with up to 40 horses which is more than any other horse race in Britain.
The race was first ran in 1839 when it was won by a horse called Lottery. Since that time probably hundreds of horses have been killed, though records do not exist as to the exact amount. There have been many calls for the race to be abolished, but the race still goes on.
Almost half the population of Britain have a bet on the grand national and betting money adds up to over 300 million.
The prize money is worth £975,000. The horse gets a pat on the back and some nice straw.

Karl Albrecht is 90 years old today.
He is worth an estimated $25.4 billion making him oldest billionaire in the worlds top 20 billionaires and the richest man in Germany.
After the second world war, Karl and his twin brother Theo (co-incidentally also born on the 28th of march), took over their mothers small grocery store calling it Albrecht Discounts. This was later shortened to Aldi.
Aldi is now one of the biggest grocery chains with over 9500 stores worldwide.
So lets raise a glass to Karl.
Many happy returns.

My wife has booked a hair appointment for thursday.
The last appointment cost £75.00 I dont get it. If I earned £75.00 in an hour and a half I would expect to do some work, not stand about gabbing and having cups of tea while the customer is sitting under a hairdryer.
The last time I went to the barbers it cost £7.00. I got all of his interesting converastion, but I didnt get a cup of tea. I think tea must cost £68.00 a cup nowadays.
Perhaps the difference in price is due to the amount of hair. My wife has lots of hair and I only have a bit.
Or it could be. When my wife comes out of the hairdressers I tell her she looks beautiful. When I come out of the barbers she tells me I look nice. £68.00 is the difference between nice and beautiful minus a cup of tea.
Anyway. while shes in the hairdressers I'll be in the barbers then go to the bookies. That way we'll be even.

As a beer drinking man of the world I feel continually persecuted by the government and doctors who feel that it is in my best interests to charge over-inflated prices for my beer.
The world has changed. My world of pubs and ENJOYMENT doesn't seem to exist anymore. It has been replaced by a world where work and the economy is more important. A world where drinking beer and watching television somehow takes second place.
The government and doctors have now decided that I am not allowed to keel over and die clutching my last bottle before I reach my three score years and ten. I must live to a be a hundred and survive on carefully controlled quantities of alcohol.
I know that this is not the kind of thing to write at 7.30 in the morning, but something needs to be said. We must all declare war on the government and doctors in order to keep our freedom of drink.

My wife sometimes accuses me of being miserly because I turn off the heating in rooms that are not being used. Compared with some of the misers fom history I am a spendthrift. Here are some people more miserly than me.

Hetty Green
Probably the biggest miser in history. Despite being one of the richest women on the planet. She would never turn on the heat or use hot water. She ony had one black dress and she would only change her undergarments after they had worn out. Her own son had to have his leg amputated because she could not find a free clinic for the poor.

The Collyer brothers
The Collyer brothers were wealthy eccentrics who came from a well to do, New York family. They became recluses and set booby traps in their filthy junk filled house. Their dead bodies were found under tons of collected rubbish.

John Elwes
John Elwes was a British MP who was thought to be the inspiration for the character "Ebinezer Scrooge". He would go to bed when darkness fell in order to save money on candles. He wore a wig that he found in a hedge and he would treat himself rather than pay for a physician.

Joseph Nollekens
Joseph Nollekens was a famous and wealthy Sculptor who lived the life of a poor man. He would sit at home in the dark and would only light a fire if guests called. His wife was also notoriously mean.

Yossele the Holy Miser
Yossele was a jew who lived in Poland in medieval times. He was so hated for his meaness that the townspeople refused to bury his body for several days.

I think I have every right to turn down the heating a little bit.

We bought our guest house 2 years ago. It had an old oil boiler for heating the radiators and hot water.
It kept breaking down and was using a vast amount of oil. So after the first year we bought a new oil boiler. It cost £2,500 for the boiler and the fitting.
Well the new boiler is marvelous and it is probably saving us a fortune.
In the first year we filled the old boiler 4 times in a year. In the second year we filled the new boiler twice.

The old boiler cost us about £1260 in fuel costs.
The new boiler about £840.

At this rate I will be able to afford another boiler, but I don't know what I will do with it.
I would recommend an oil boiler to anyone except of course an Eskimo.

They say that walls have ears, but do they really have ears or is it just a saying. Perhaps they do. Lets look at some more common sayings.

Eat Drink and be merry for tomorrow we die. Well, I didn't realize it would be so soon. I'd better take your advice.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Thats no good I'm dying tomorrow. Better find a restaurant soon.
Beggars cant be choosers. Oh dear, I'll try somewhere else.
Half a loaf is better than none. Could I have soup with that.
Time flies. Theres one in my soup.
Too many cooks spoil the broth. This tastes awful. How many cooks made this.
Theres no accounting for taste. Alright so I'll taste everything as long as I don't have to pay for it.
Theres more than one way to skin a cat. No I think I'll have the chicken.
There are plenty of other fish in the sea. You've talked me into it. I'll have the fish.
You are what you eat. I'm a fish.
A watched kettle never boils. How long is that coffee going to take.
The pot calling the kettle black. I'll never get my coffee if you two stand arguing all day.
Get your just desserts. Mousse not Moose no not mouse moose no I mean mouse . Oh dear. It never rains but it pours. Taxi.

Well there you have it. Hope that explains everything.

For years I have argued and debated my theories putting up with ridicule and laughter.
But it is not only I. It is a question which has gone unanswered for almost than a century.
The question is based loosely on the question of Schrödinger's cat and although I cannot answer that particular paradox, my own research involves the use of Chloro-Flouro-Carbon cooling systems and light.
Then yesterday I had an idea - perhaps the simplest methods are the best. I devised a simple experiment to prove my theory.
I set up the equipment and within seconds I had proved my theory beyond any doubt.

Here is the proof.

I've never been rich.
I will never be a millionaire. But I have always been moderately happy. All I want is a little bit more than I have at the moment and to be happy as well.
Jesus once said "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God."
The Koran says "The impious shall find the gates of heaven shut, nor shall he enter till a camel pass through the eye of a needle."
Whatever your religion you rich people better enjoy it while it lasts because you're going nowhere.
You could repent.
"no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."
But you think to yourself I believe in science not god.
Science tries to explain everything but it fails.
It cannot explain the simplest question "Im alive. How did I get here".
There comes a point in everybodys life when they reach a fork in the road.
Which way do you want to go?.