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Grand National

April 13th, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Today is Grand National day in the UK.
The Grand National is probably the most famous horse race in the world. It is run over a distance of four and a half miles making is the longest British horse race, over the largest fences, with up to 40 horses which is more than any other horse race in Britain.
The race was first ran in 1839 when it was won by a horse called Lottery. Since that time probably hundreds of horses have been killed, though records do not exist as to the exact amount. There have been many calls for the race to be abolished, but the race still goes on.
Almost half the population of Britain have a bet on the grand national and betting money adds up to over 300 million.
The prize money is worth 975,000. The horse gets a pat on the back and some nice straw.

Happy Birthday Karl Albrecht

March 28th, 2012 at 12:11 am

Karl Albrecht is 90 years old today.
He is worth an estimated $25.4 billion making him oldest billionaire in the worlds top 20 billionaires and the richest man in Germany.
After the second world war, Karl and his twin brother Theo (co-incidentally also born on the 28th of march), took over their mothers small grocery store calling it Albrecht Discounts. This was later shortened to Aldi.
Aldi is now one of the biggest grocery chains with over 9500 stores worldwide.
So lets raise a glass to Karl.
Many happy returns.

Hairdressers.

March 20th, 2012 at 01:45 am

My wife has booked a hair appointment for thursday.
The last appointment cost 75.00 I dont get it. If I earned 75.00 in an hour and a half I would expect to do some work, not stand about gabbing and having cups of tea while the customer is sitting under a hairdryer.
The last time I went to the barbers it cost 7.00. I got all of his interesting converastion, but I didnt get a cup of tea. I think tea must cost 68.00 a cup nowadays.
Perhaps the difference in price is due to the amount of hair. My wife has lots of hair and I only have a bit.
Or it could be. When my wife comes out of the hairdressers I tell her she looks beautiful. When I come out of the barbers she tells me I look nice. 68.00 is the difference between nice and beautiful minus a cup of tea.
Anyway. while shes in the hairdressers I'll be in the barbers then go to the bookies. That way we'll be even.

Leave me alone I want a beer.

March 6th, 2012 at 11:32 pm

As a beer drinking man of the world I feel continually persecuted by the government and doctors who feel that it is in my best interests to charge over-inflated prices for my beer.
The world has changed. My world of pubs and ENJOYMENT doesn't seem to exist anymore. It has been replaced by a world where work and the economy is more important. A world where drinking beer and watching television somehow takes second place.
The government and doctors have now decided that I am not allowed to keel over and die clutching my last bottle before I reach my three score years and ten. I must live to a be a hundred and survive on carefully controlled quantities of alcohol.
I know that this is not the kind of thing to write at 7.30 in the morning, but something needs to be said. We must all declare war on the government and doctors in order to keep our freedom of drink.

Great misers of History

January 12th, 2012 at 12:27 am

My wife sometimes accuses me of being miserly because I turn off the heating in rooms that are not being used. Compared with some of the misers fom history I am a spendthrift. Here are some people more miserly than me.

Hetty Green
Probably the biggest miser in history. Despite being one of the richest women on the planet. She would never turn on the heat or use hot water. She ony had one black dress and she would only change her undergarments after they had worn out. Her own son had to have his leg amputated because she could not find a free clinic for the poor.

The Collyer brothers
The Collyer brothers were wealthy eccentrics who came from a well to do, New York family. They became recluses and set booby traps in their filthy junk filled house. Their dead bodies were found under tons of collected rubbish.

John Elwes
John Elwes was a British MP who was thought to be the inspiration for the character "Ebinezer Scrooge". He would go to bed when darkness fell in order to save money on candles. He wore a wig that he found in a hedge and he would treat himself rather than pay for a physician.

Joseph Nollekens
Joseph Nollekens was a famous and wealthy Sculptor who lived the life of a poor man. He would sit at home in the dark and would only light a fire if guests called. His wife was also notoriously mean.

Yossele the Holy Miser
Yossele was a jew who lived in Poland in medieval times. He was so hated for his meaness that the townspeople refused to bury his body for several days.

I think I have every right to turn down the heating a little bit.

Boiler mathematics

November 24th, 2011 at 04:21 am

We bought our guest house 2 years ago. It had an old oil boiler for heating the radiators and hot water.
It kept breaking down and was using a vast amount of oil. So after the first year we bought a new oil boiler. It cost 2,500 for the boiler and the fitting.
Well the new boiler is marvelous and it is probably saving us a fortune.
In the first year we filled the old boiler 4 times in a year. In the second year we filled the new boiler twice.

The old boiler cost us about 1260 in fuel costs.
The new boiler about 840.

At this rate I will be able to afford another boiler, but I don't know what I will do with it.
I would recommend an oil boiler to anyone except of course an Eskimo.